5 Money Problems in Relationships

It is pretty common knowledge that most marriages end due to money problems.  In my last post I discussed how awesome my husband is and how lucky I feel that we are both on the same page when it comes to finances.  After that post it got me thinking about various money problems in relationships that occur so frequently.

To me it is pretty much common sense to think that a couple should be open and honest about their finances.  It is hard for me to think of how these money problems can, not only exist, but be so common among couples.  During my contemplations, I was also trying to think of the most common issues couples face when dealing with their money.

So this is what I could come up with based on my own personal experiences:

1.  Sharing Finances for the First Time

This is definitely something that takes getting used.  Once my husband and I moved in together we both had to change our mindsets in regards to our money and how we spent it.  The biggest obstacle we had to overcome was realizing that every dollar I spent affected him and, every dollar he spent affected me.  We had to come together and decide how the bills would be shared and develope an overall game plan for where our money was going.

Now, when we first moved in together it wasn't too hard to decide who paid for what.  We were both working full time and made about the same salary.  However, my husband decided, about 6 months later, he wanted to go back to school.  Well, this changed everything.  I became the primary money maker!  And, a lot of the responsibility fell on me to pay all the bills and put food on the table.

I didn't mind providing for my husband and I because I knew he was trying to better himself in order to make our future better.  However, if he and I didn't have a game plan and discuss our finances it might have been a much harder adjustment for me.  Once we moved in together, he and I had this motto:  "My money is your money."  We often quoted this phrase whenever one of us would refer to money as "my money."  The other one would quickly correct the phrase to "our money."  This provided us with the idea that we were sharing money.  The money that came into our household did not solely belong to one of us, but rather, it belonged to both of us.  Slowly but surely the motto "My money is your money" became engrained into us and, to this day, we rarely refer to money as "my money.''  Money is always referred to as "our money."

2.  Frugalless Spending

This problem was much more difficult for my husband to overcome than for me.  I am definitely the saver in the relationship and he is definitely the spender.  But, I do think my saving attitude has rubbed off on him!  My husband would have no problem eating out to lunch everyday, buying  a few songs on itunes every week, and just carelessly spend our money without any thought to it.

We would often get into little spats about his daily lunches and careless spending.  Of course he didn't think the few dollars he spent at Burger King, or the couple of bucks it cost to buy a song was a big deal.  What he didn't realize was these little amounts, on a daily basis, add up to a big bill by the end of the month.

I really had to sit him down to make him realize how this was affecting our finances.  I added up all of his frugalless spending and showed him just how much he was spending in a month.  It was about $700 give or take!

It is so easy to just mindlessly spend a few dollars here or there without thinking of how much this adds up to in the long run.  My advice is to check your bank account every month and add up all of the little expenses you could have gone without.  You and your partner should do this together and see how much you are carelessly spending.  Then come up with a game plan and see if the frugalless spending can be brought down some.  Set a goal to not go over a certain amount. 

By not going to lunch everyday and keeping his itune purchases to a minimum we were able to save a good extra amount each month.  This extra money was then able to go to other more important areas, like paying down our debt.  My husband and I were able to talk out this issue and come to an agreement and a game plan.  This game plan helped other areas of our money problems and in return helped strengthen our relationship.

3.  Money Secrets

Now this is a big one!  This is the reason why my parents got a divorce.  They were not open about their finances.  My dad kept it a secret that he was drowning in debt.  He was not open and honest with my mom about his finances and allowed her to spend without consequences.  Well the secret ultimately led to a big consequence...divorce!

I think it is so important to be honest about your financial situation.  No matter how big of a debt you have, share this information with your partner.  Eventually the truth always comes out and you usually create a bigger problem by lieing about your situation.

Prior to my husband and I getting married we came completely clean about our money issues.  He knew exactly how much debt I was bringing into the marriage and I knew how much he was bringing in.  There is nothing about our finances that we don't both know.  By being honest with each other, we were able to create a plan for becoming debt free.  We also are able to speak honestly with one another when it comes to money.  If I want to buy something that costs a pretty penny, my husband will very often say OK but that could go towards paying off credit card #1.  And of course, I do the same for him.  This helps keep us on track with our financial goals.  By being completely honest with each other, and eliminating our money secrets, we have rid ourselves of any obstacles on our road to being debt free.

4.  Being Budgetless

Creating a budget, in my opinion, is the best way to resolve any money problems a couple may have.  Once my husband and I were able to see where all of our money was going each month there left little room for argument.  If it wasn't in the budget then we couldn't buy it.  Having a budget helps eliminate the frugalless spending problem  My husband and I set aside a certain amount every month for eating out.  Once that money was gone then we had to eat what we had from the store.

By not having a budget, it is also hard to plan how you will eliminate your debt.  For our budget, we pay all of the bills first, this includes the minimum payments on all of our credit cards.  We then take whatever is left over and apply it to the credit card we are currently paying off.  Without our budget, we would have no idea how much extra we can allot to the credit card. 

Now you have to be careful when budgeting.  The first couple of months were kind of a disaster for my husband and I.  We forgot to budget for gas!  So when you create a budget make sure you take into account ALL of your expenses.

5.  Selfish Spending

Now this one was, and still is, hard for me to overcome.  It definitely goes into the "my money is your money" motto my husband and I have.  Because I am currently the primary money maker in the household it is very hard for me to walk away from items I would like to buy.  Now I don't do this often, because like I said, I am more of a saver than a spender.  But every once in awhile there is a new purse or watch (my two fetishes) that I really really really want to have.  I used to have the attitude that I work really hard and I deserve to buy myself a present.  I should have something to show for all the hard work I do.  This is very selfish spending! 

When I have this mindset I am completely going against the idea of "our money"  I am not thinking about how this $200 purse is going to set us back and create a road block in becoming debt free.  I am only thinking of myself and what I want.  The whole idea of my husband and I as a couple is gone.  I am no longer thinking of the effects my spending will have on our relationship and money situation.  At the moment, all I can think is, I deserve this Coach purse!

It's pretty evident how selfish spending can create a major money problem in a relationship.  You have to believe that every dollar you make is also made by your partner.  No matter who brings in more money, its always "our money."  You don't have the right to just spend because you think you deserve it.  If you don't want to discuss it with your partner and try to budget for the expense then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.  Selfish spending is for single people!  If you are single and spend $200 on a purse, then you are only hurting yourself and your own financial future.

So there you have it!  The top 5 money problems in relationships, well at least in my opinion.  Hopefully I was able to provide some insight into these issues and give you some solutions if you and your partner are dealing with any of these problems.  Also, if you have any more "money problems in relationships," feel free to share!